CROWELLZONE.COM

Holistic Physical Development

MY THOUGHTS

ARTICLE INDEX 
PATTERNS
BOOK PREVIEW
I'M TIRED...                                                                                                   
INNOVATION DOESN'T EQUAL PROGRESS
TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY
TRACES
OSHO ON TANTRA
CLEAN UP YOUR MESS
REMEMBERING CARL SAGAN
LEFT BRAIN/RIGHT BRAIN                                                                                


PATTERNS

I've made more than a few boneheaded plays in my life.  Hitting myself in the head with a hammer while swinging it.  How is that even possible?!  Believing a grown person as a kid when they told me I wasn't in trouble.  And I knew better!!  I can't figure out why lamb chops come from lambs but you don't get pig chops from pigs.  I had to ask if girls were born able to wear earrings or if they had to have them pierced.  As a baseball player I struck out A LOT.  (I think I could have been a hitter but I have an overthinking side and a lot of times it had a tendency to be very active when I was batting; I could hit .500 for weeks at a time when it wasn't but I never could get control of that.)  I was hanging over a pond a 3/4 inch thick dead tree branch and it broke I went under.  This list could easily turn into a full length article, but I'm trying to make a point here while keeping a little balance.  

That point is that I have done several things that others have considered quite impressive.  I don't get terribly impressed by much and others have done far more or far better, so these don't impress me much, but I am glad that I was able to accomplish them.  Some include 3,714 consecutive situps, 28+ innings consecutive innings pitched without allowing an earned run during my senior year of high school, 15.00.42 consecutive minutes of holding a neck bridge at a bodyweight of 203 pounds, scored over 13 million points on Asteroids one time (the highest I had ever seen before that from anybody was under a million and we were pretty good players), pulled off a pretty significant recovery from leukemia, did burpees for 1 hour straight (totaled 617).

Those numbers really don't mean much, but it's always nice to hear your teammates say you're the hardest worker they've ever seen or to hear people that matter to you tell you they're proud of you because they mean it and not just beacause they have to.

A lot of people asked me how I was able to do all of that and for me we are all here doing exactly what we are supposed to be doing and though some of us run into problems for other reasons most of us run into our problems when we stop doing that.  So I never looked at it like I was doing anything unordinary.  But one thing I have noticed over the years is that when I have a good deal of success in something it is for one of three reasons.  It's either because paying attention to patterns and go with my gut feeling.  What happens when I do activity A?  Okay, now what happens when I do activity B?  Then what happens when I do activity C after activity A?  What happens when I do it after activity B?  What about activity D after A?  How about after B?  Then I just do what gives me the best results.  As you can imagine this can get very complex, complicated, and take many years to master in just one area let alone multiple areas.  And it can be very, very frustrating.  Sometimes you don't even have any real data to go on and you just have to base some decisions on how you feel.  But when you do master it you are able to just ride things out with complete confidence that you'll have what you want.  I'll know I CAN'T NOT go out there and have a long streak of success over several months or even years or a short streak in a single event.  I'll have what I want. 

The other methods I use are hard work.....and luck :-)  But in all serious if you're willing to put the effort to noting what results come about after a certain action and you really do master it it's going to pay off more times than not.


BOOK PREVIEW

As many of you know I have started work on a book dealing with the last year+ of my life.  Over the last few weeks I have said these or very similar words to several and am of the opinion that they would be a good fit in the book.  Therefore, though this website certainly doesn't focus on leukemia or health, I have decided to publish this article on the site here to give a small preview of the book.

When I had a recurrence of my leukemia symptoms I knew I was in for a ride.  I also knew a bone marrow transplant was all but out of the question.  I started off by making dietary and lifestyle changes and taking cesium chloride as my treatment and was responding very well.  Then for no explainable reason things started to get bad.  At that point it became clear that I needed something a little more powerful, thus my family and I travelled to Phoenix to receive Insulin Potentiation Therapy (Chemo given with insulin in low doses to specifically target cancer cells and leave healthy cells relatively unscathed.)

Now this stuff is pretty expensive ($1880 a dose, twice per week, in addition to additional complementary therapies running additional $1000 checks each week.)  So I felt really guilty asking so much out of everyone.  But eventually I realized that worrying so much about how I felt and not just letting things happen was the real selfishness.  I learned to look at this whole thing as everybody's experience and I just happened to be the focal point of it.  But this was everyone's experience and we all brought it into existence.  Some people needed to have someone to give to.  Other people needed to see what the body was capable of.  Still others needed some kind of inspiration from seeing me go from as bad as I was to making a full recovery.  And I got my benefits out of it also.

I always tell my friends I wouldn't have picked this path for anything in the world, but I played my part and I played it well.  I had plenty of chances to down a whole bottle of pain pills instead of just 2 or 3 and there were a lot of days I really wanted to.  And I've complained very minimally (In all fairness I think a man is allowed a few passes in a situation like this.)  No matter what I've wanted I just kept waking up and giving it all I've got each day.  What else is there to do?

I want to thank everyone for all they've done for me.  I'm going to put everything I have into this book.  When you read it I want you to feel the hunger I felt from not eating for 8 weeks; I want you to feel the pain I felt when it was so bad I couldn't move.  This here was just a little preview.  When you read the book, you won't be disappointed.


I'M TIRED...

I'm tired.  Tired of religious leaders standing up and giving me their interpretation of things.  Telling me if I do what they want now then I'll get everything I want later.  Tired of scientists telling me that they have a monopoly on the truth.  Telling me that if it can't be 'scientifically proven' then it has no value.  Tired of philosophers and theologians telling me their theories and their ideas and trying to sell them to me.  Thinking deeply but not thinking clearly. 

Well the hell with your worship of yourself and your own mind.

You know what I want; what has value to me; what is clear to me?  Right NOW.  Whatever that is.  Whether it's walking through an open field and feeling the sun hit my skin.  Or banging my head to some heavy metal.  Drinking coffee and watching a Caldwell/Lyon soccer game on what feels like the coldest day of the year (and hoping a fight breaks out in the stands).  Picking blackberries.  Or going to the gym and giving everything I have until I'm covered in sweat and maybe a little blood.  Eating a banana.  Maybe it's sitting down and praying.  Or spending Christmas with my family.  Or being completely pissed off about nothing in particular.  Selling vegetables in the summer time.  Going out on a cool night with some hot chocolate and looking up at the moon.  Having a baby squeeze my hand and smile at me. 

So go ahead, try to force your truth on me.  Try to sell me your philosophies.  Try to tell me why I'm wrong.  I don't care.  You can go blow the goats.  

Because I don't want to argue over why I'm right and you're wrong.  I don't want to talk about thoughts and theories.  What I want is to be able to look at sick people, smile at them, and then watch them get well right then.  I want electricity flowing out of my fingertips and running through my veins.  I want to have the same love for all of creation that a mother has for her child.  I want to be completely alive in every moment.  Except ' I ' don't want to do any of it.  I want God to do it through me.  I'm not in control of anything, I just want to let go of the illusion that I am or that I ever was or that I ever will be. 



INNOVATION DOESN'T EQUAL PROGRESS

Space Exploration.  Free Energy.  Zero Point Tecchnology.  Time Travel.  Teleportation.  Dr. Hamer's German New Medicine.  You just can't beat this stuff.  People wrote about it in the 50's and 60's and it's here today.  Technology is a great thing.  But every technological or scientific advancement isn't necessarily beneficial. 

Things like controlling the weather might be beneficial in the event of a serious magnetic disturbance caused by the sun or from a major gamma ray burst originating trillions of years from out planet that could wipe out all earthly life entirely.  But why do we need to control the weather just for the sake of controlling it?  We don't.  Didn't we learn from Jurassic Park that having the technology and the capacity for something doesn't meant that we should rush out and do it.  Medicine is a great thing.  But not everything needs to be medicated away.  Many times what we call illness is actually the body attempting to heal. 

I may be blinded by my own biases towards how I think technology should be used, but I look out and I see people fast becoming slaves to technology.  Science is not as cold and impersonal as it is often portrayed as.  There is ALWAYS a human element involved...something that when science and rationale and reason are exhausted still keeps going.  When things like human willpower are factored in science is always one step behind.  Maybe one day it will catch up and we will see a perfect blend of science and reason to go along with the things we want, but as it stands we still have to consider that just because we can doesn't mean we should. 

Do you need to watch 4 hours of TV a day?  Do you need headphones on everywhere you go?  There's nothing wrong with that stuff in my opinion, but the question is-does technology control you or do you use technology as an extension of yourself to make your day to day life run more smoothly?  I'm all for air conditioners and machines and robots and all this stuff, but I think it's decades and perhaps even centuries away before we begin to grasp just exactly how these things impact the world around us.  Until then we need to be more careful about how we use things and start implementing educational programs in schools that don't just teach how to use technology but also teach what technology is, how it affects us, it's benefits and drawbacks, and so forth.


TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY

I'm not much for conversation.  The only times I talk are when I'm with my family or when I'm in some random public place and decide to launch into a profanity laden monologue about whatever happens to be on my mind at the time. 

Anyway, when I talk it's just to express whatever I have found to be true in my life.  And that's what this article is about.  Nothing more, nothing less. 

People ask me a lot if I think Jesus calmed the wind on the sea that day or if Zen masters have made birds fall from the sky just by looking at them or if Morihei Ueshiba could dodge bullets.  My response is a standard: Why not?  But who cares?  Is that going to affect how you treat people over the next week?

But here's some of my thoughts on the issue anyway.  Your nervous system is constantly receiving impulses from the outside world.  The nerve endings in your sense organs pick up whatever electromagnetic signals happen to be out there and they pass them on to your brain.  Your brain then decides, based on those impulses, what is best for you and signals your body to act accordingly.  For example, if you touch a hot stove your nerves will signal this to your brain.  Your brain will calculate this information and then signal to your hand to move away from the stove.  Now, here's what I like...what if you, not your animal brain or your childhood conditioning...but YOU started to send out signals from your brain to the world around you?  It happens everyday, but rarely are YOU aware of it, rarely do YOU do it.  What if YOU became aware of every nerve ending in your body?  Every atom in the universe.  Every electromagnetic wave that crossed your path.  And then what if YOU started to tell the world around you what to do instead of letting it tell you what to do?

I'll tell you exactly what would happen:  when you want something bad enough and you have a single pointedness of mind and you'd rather die than not see what you want come into existence...Heaven and Earth would move if it were necessary for your will to be done.  

But is that really gonna matter 100 years from now?  Or a thousand years.  Or ten thousand.  Or a hundred billion.  They're all as far from forever as the time it takes you to read this article.  It really doesn't matter what you do as long as you do what you love without concern for anything else.

But why don't people consciously affect the world around them more often?  Probably the number one reason is because people do not take care of their bodies.  When you don't take care of your body, the communication between your brain and body (and consequently the communication between YOU and the outside world) becomes progressively impaired.  Too much meat.  Too much flavor enhancers.  Too much artificial sweeteners.  Psyhological trauma.  Too much electromagnetic stress from television and computers.  Heavy metals.  Too much sugar.  Not enough nutrients.  Poor spinal care.  Low grade inflammation.  Stress.  Not getting enough sleep.  Chemicals in tap water.  It all takes its toll.

Why not start taking care of your own body and start fine tuning the communication between it and your brain.  Find a good chiropractor.  Find a good trainer.  Find a good nutritionist.  Find a good psychologist.  Do whatever you have to do to get yourself straightened out.  Can you imagine the power out there available to you?  A perfectly functioning body would have a hard time holding itself together under that kind of power.   And you think you'll ever realize even a fraction of that with a poorly maintained body?  


TRACES

Two years ago I tore the hamstring muscle in my left leg off the bone.  I now have a depression in the back side of my left leg where the tissue rolled back.  I have two scars on my left arm from very severe second degree burns.  I have a ton of scar tissue on the outside of my right ankle.  Most people say scars remind us that the past is real.   

When your body is injured it rushes to repair itself and it knows exactly how to do that.  But as you age and more and more scar tissue builds up your body becomes less and less efficient at this recovery.  Your joints start to ache, your energy starts to leave you, you skin turns leathery, and your body loses its shine.  By this time you have most likely served your biological purpose...to produce offspring...and so it is no longer as biologically important for you to recover or be in good health or to even be here on this planet. 

But with a clean diet, ultrasound, laser therapy, vibrational medicine, chiropractic care, massage, and homeopathic remedies I can stimulate every injured area of my body that is now covered in scar tissue to fully recover and be as good and functional as if none of it had ever happened.  (Of course right now that is not a priority as my resources are going to correcting some pretty serious metabolic disorders and resolving the causes of leukemia.)  There would be no physical trace that those injuries ever took place.  And as my body heals and the scar tissue disappears, so too would the memory of the injuries ever happening.  I'll remember being injured.  I'll remember being in pain.  I'll remember wrapping my body and resting it to prevent the situation from worsening.  But the injury itself, the feelings I had, the memory at the celluar level of what that torn hamstring was like, the neural link from my brain to my body of the injury itself...gone forever...existing only as bits and pieces somewhere out there. 

What am I trying to say?  Let go.  Let go of your past.  Every time your cells divide they produce another cell with the same memories they carried.  Their memories of the past create an expectation in you for the future and more often than not this expectation becomes a self fulfilling prophecy...it happens because you expect it to.  But there is no past and there is no future.  Both exist in the present.  Right now.  This moment.  This is where your life is being lived.  Are you even here for it?  Or are your memories keeping you from being who you are?  Are you aging and drying because that's how nature works or are you aging and dying because you expect to?  There is no birth.  No death.  Only change.  Can this body live forever?  It doesn't matter.  This body isn't who you are.  It doesn't even know that it is alive.  You are only alive because you think you are and you only die because you expect to.   

The age old question about the chicken and the egg?  Pointless.  The chicken IS the egg and the EGG is the chicken.  This separation exists only in your mind.  The real question is where does the DNA that makes the chicken and the egg who they are come from?  And where does the stuff that makes that DNA come from?  Where does your DNA come from?  And why?  Is there a reason?  Who are you?



OSHO ON TANTRA

One of my favorite modern day philosophers is Osho.  Oh, he was a wierd dude in his personal life, but I have a few of his books and one that I really like is his book on the Eastern philosophy of Tantra.  One of the key points made in this book is simple:  How do you expect to understand heaven's love if you can't even understand love here?  It always cracks me up, all these people 'looking for something' or 'searching for God' or claiming to be 'saved', and they won't even use their turn signal or they talk on their cell phone the entire time the cashier is ringing up the price on their groceries. 

If you are one of these people and you are reading this here is what I want you to do: take your hands and put them on your shoulders.  Now, I want you to pull and pull and pull and pull until your head is completely dislodged from your butt. 

Mother Theresa said she saw Christ in everyone she looked at.  What do you see?  Do you even look?  God is everywhere.  How can God, who is Infinite, be separate from anything?  Throw out your preconceived ideas, throw out your childhood conditioning, and look for the Truth...it's right in front of you.

And that is what Osho talks about in 'Tantra'.  Have fun here.  Live.  Express yourself.  Let whatever is out there express itself through you.  Be completely who you are. 


CLEAN UP YOUR MESS

I've been staying at a condo in Scottsdale lately and about 2 miles down the road there is a park that I like to go to.  There's a huge lake.  A big open field.  Picnic Tables.  Volleyball nets.  Nice place, that park.

But I really like it because it has a walking path and some pullup bars and a big grassy area right next to the lake.  Most days I'll grab 10 or 12 oranges and head to the park.  I'll carry my oranges over to my spot, set them in shade, take my shoes and shirt off, and knock out a few sets of pullups, do some pushups, maybe an l-sit, just whatever I feel like.  I really like jiujitsu and I'm starting to like gymnastics more and more so once I'm good and warmed up I'll work on those.  And when I get done I'll sit down in the shade and eat.  Oranges always taste good after working up a sweat.  Now the way I eat oranges I'm very lucky if I'm not covered in juice by the time I'm finished.  And that was the case today...

I finished eating and had orange juice all over my chest and running down my belly.  I really didn't want to be all sticky from the juice soo I walked over to the lake and wanted so bad to jump in and rinse off.  But I looked down and saw all these soft drink bottles and plastic jugs and picnic forks and all this other shit in the water.  (Not to mention the fact that swimming in the lake is illegal, probably in part because of all the chemicals in it.)  I love to be in the water.  Mountain streams, waterfalls, a lake, the ocean.  It doesn't matter as long as it's clean.  But it's hard to find places that haven't just been ruined by people. 

I don't get off on 'going green' or all these recycling movements or saving the whales, I just would like to see people pick up after themselves.  It's not hard.  You go to the park and eat, and you throw your stuff away.  Better yet follow Captain Planet's advice and recycle or reuse what you can.  

Now, I'm going to go shower and get all this juice off of me. 


REMEMBERING CARL SAGAN

"How is it that hardly any major religion has looked at science and concluded, 'This is better than we thought! The Universe is much bigger than our prophets said, grander, more subtle, more elegant.  God must be even greater than we ever dreamed!'  Instead they say, 'No, no, no! My god is a little god, and I want him to stay that way."

"God for you is where you sweep away all the mysteries of the world, all the challenges to our intelligence.  You simply turn your mind off and say God did it."

"Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known."

                    -Carl Sagan

I'm a big fan of Carl Sagan's.  I guess it's because although I am a very analytical person I have an existential side to me as well, and Carl seems to address those two aspects of intelligence very well.  For those of you who don't know, Carl Sagan, though he was most certainly wrong about some things, may have been the greatest scientist in the second half of the 20th century.  I would encourage anyone who has the chance to read some of his books or watch some reruns of his TV show cosmos.  Below is a bibliography of his works:

*Contact
*Intelligent Life in the Universe
*Planets
*The Cosmic Connection: An Extraterrestrial Perspective
*Communication with Extraterrestrial Intelligence
*Other Worlds
*The Dragons of Eden: Speculations on the Evolution of Human Intelligence (This is probably my personal favorite, though I have only had the chance to read a few of Carl's books.)
*Broca's Brain: The Romance of Science
*Cosmos: The Story of Cosmic Evolution, Science, and Civilization
*Murmurs of Earth: The Voyager Interstellar Record
*Comet
*Shadows of Forgotten Ancestors
*Pale Blue Dot: A Vision of the Human Future in Space
*The Demon Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark
*Billions and Billions: Thoughts on Life and Death at the Brink of the Millennium
*The Varieties of Scientific Experience: A Personal View of the Search for God


LEFT BRAIN/RIGHT BRAIN

We've probably all heard that the left side of our brain is logical and analytical while the right side of our brain sees things as a seamless whole and is more in tune with music, art, etc.  So that's really a gross oversimplification but there is quite a bit of truth in it so let's run with the idea.

Our ability to analyze things and use logic is seen when we are solving a mathematical equation or calculating how far we just ran or figuring out what time it is by looking at the stars.  Obviously our ability to do these things is important.  Chances are we as humans would not have survived this long without it.  However, many people run into problems because our lives are lived and our world is seen from this same analytical perspective.  They attempt to analyze things that simply cannot be analyzed.  When you sit down and bang on a set of drums you don't create that rhythm.  The rhythm already exists and it has no beginning and no ending and therefore nothing in between to analyze.  The left brain cannot understand this yet it has a strong desire to.  It instinctively want to analyze how to play the drums, "I have to hit the drum on my left first and I have to hit it this hard.  Then I have to hit the drum in front of me that hard."  But there is no 'how' to playing the drums.  The rhythm has no progression, no first or second steps.  And so the best drummers are not the ones who know the most about playing the drums, they are the ones who simply let the rhythm be heard and felt through them.  There was a Japanese swordsman who put it this way, "The body moves perfectly until the mind (the left brain) gets in the way."

It's been said before that everything has a rhythm.  And it's true.  Golf has a rhythm.  Eating has a rhythm.  War has a rhythm.  Farming has a rhythm.  Language has a rhythm.  Greco-Roman wrestling has a rhythm.  And when you find what you love to do and then find the rhythm in that they eventually you find the rhythm of everything, the rhythm of life.